Wow. I had such a bad attitude tonight working at the coffee cart during the evening service. I was irritated by everything it seemed. I don’t think I said more than five words the entire time. I was being a brat.
“I want to go home.”
“People are bothering me.”
“I don’t feel good. I had a huge lunch and now I feel sick.”
Whah whah. Those were only a few of my complaints and thoughts throughout the evening. And then God decided to teach me a little lesson.
On the way back from the service we saw a woman standing near the off ramp where we exit to get to our warm apartment. She was holding out a cup asking for change. Kim and I didn’t have any change and we lived nearby, so I decided to pack some staples from our place and run it back to her. When I got to her, I could smell the alcohol on her breath and it looked like she hadn’t showered for some time. She gratefully accepted the bag of goodies I gave her and I asked her name. Her name is Rose. When I asked her how she ended up on the streets she tearfully shared that her baby boy had just died a few weeks ago from SIDS. A week later the father of her child left her. She was from Oregon and had followed her boyfriend down to California to start a new life with their son. She didn’t think she had anything to live for. She wanted to throw herself on the nearby train tracks. She didn’t have any family. She was depressed and alone. She said she had let herself do anything to get by since the death of her son and had turned to alcohol to help ease her pain. The alcohol obviously wasn’t helping very much because Rose was in turmoil as she shared her story.
And there I was, minutes before, having a “rough night”. I complained about my stomache feeling too full. Rose began eating the food I gave her immediately because she hadn’t eated in awhile. I complained about being around too many people. Rose was sobbing because she felt like she was completely alone. I had the audacity to criticize a worship song as I heard around me people singing about God’s love being poured down over them. I know Jesus Christ. I know His love and the peace He gives. I chose pride rather than thanking and gratefully worshipping Him. Rose said she hadn’t known God loved her. I’m sick with how much I take knowing Him for granted. He is so amazing.
Anyway, I called the police once I got back to my apartment. I was concerned that she might do something crazy in her state of mind and figured that at least they can help her get to a shelter. I hope she’s ok. My heart goes out to her. Needless to say, this has been an eventful evening and will probably be another sleepless night. But you know what? I can’t complain.